Sunday, February 4, 2007

I only wanted 2 see u laughing in the purple rain

Another Super Bowl come and gone, wrapping up the season but for next week's Pro Bowl (all-star game), which is typically well attended because it takes place in Hawaii, but nearly completely unwatchable. As for the Super Bowl, Indianapolis basically won going away, like most people predicted, after spotting Chicago a 7-point lead when the opening kickoff was returned for a touchdown. From that point on, it was basically all Indy, even though the Chicago defense did yeoman's work while being on the field pretty much the entire first half. Chicago's problem was pretty simple: their quarterback, Rex Grossman, sucks. He sucks a lot. He is almost certainly the worst quarterback to "lead" his team to the Super Bowl, where by "lead" I mean let the defense, special teams, and the running backs score enough points to cover over his numerous mistakes. Knowing this, and having seen their defense and running back set up their second touchdown, making the score 14-6 Bears, Chicago proceeded to throw the ball a lot. Grossman threw a few to his own team for not enough yardage to make much of a difference, a couple to the Colts defenders, and a few to the turf just to keep things interesting. Next time, against a defense that proved all year that they can't stop the run, and in a pouring rain that must make getting a grip on the ball extremely difficult, try....RUNNING the GODDAMN BALL!!!.

In the end, the game itself was slightly better than mediocre, making about average for a Super Bowl all things considered. The highlight probably was, as pointed out at Americablog, Prince using a projection screen to turn his guitar into a genitalia image during an extremely lackluster halftime show (U2 and the Rolling Stones were better the past couple years). Thankfully, the game will do some good for the world: in the next week or two, many, many children in Africa will acquire all sorts of brand new clothing celebrating the Bears' victory over the Colts that didn't actually happen.

As for me, have no fear of regular sports posts disappearing over the coming months (I know many, many of you were worried). Pitchers and catchers report a week from Thursday, and the NCAA basketball tournament, undoubtedly the most exciting tournament in US sports (let's face it, nothing compares to the World Cup), begins as always in March. Until then, you'll have to content yourself with literally hundreds of Mainstream Media stories in which Tony Dungy praises Jesus, and it is explained that Peyton Manning is not a choker, as they've been reporting every week for the past nine years. I can't wait.

10 comments:

dkon said...

I thought Prince rocked, even before his shadow guitar-dick trick, which was awesome. I felt proud to be American during this Superbowl.

alexis said...

I am more than a little disturbed that you have a tag for Prince, however.

jfaberuiuc said...

Y don't u like Prince? Needless 2 say, I don't know any other songs by The Artist, so I can't imagine that tag really growing unless dkon starts writing more lyric-based posts.

AlexM said...

if your so annoyed you could always just not watch sports for a week or two....
....
...
yeah right.

jfaberuiuc said...

Wait, my TV gets stations besides ESPN (and Comedy Central between 10-11pm Central)...?

Anonymous said...

Dear Symbol:

In the future, you might want to consider another song than Purple Rain to a soaked audience. Also, the hendrix wannabe guitar licks are find, but on high def, those at home are left to wonder how you a plucking strings when your hands are off the guitar. Ah, I know, been getting instruments at the MIT Media Lab. Well the good news is, you're not Billy "I Left My Voice in The Other Car" Joel. Maybe next year we'll finally have the "I Lost Early in the American Idol Chorus."

jfaberuiuc said...

Seriously, they have thirty thousand people in the audience...mike the crowd and rely on the law of averages to get some good singing from the audience, and just hire people to dance in formation. It would be more honest than these halftime "spectacles" involving ancient rockers pretending to still practice their craft (or even U@, who looked good even if they probably weren't actually singing 2 years ago).

dkon said...

On behalf of the Purple One, I resent your accusations, madpoet.

OK, I wasn't watching on high-def, and can't testify that Prince really did play his convoluted schlong. But he remains one of the most amazing musicians in popular music, and while maybe not quite a Hendrix-level guitarist, is surely a greater songwriter, singer, drummer, and bassist than Jimi. I don't know if he went the Ashley Simpson route for this show, but from what I've seen in his other live appearances, his talents are still undiminished at 50.

Back off man!

jfaberuiuc said...

To quote Wesley Snipes, dkon, being a Caucasian in several different ways, just can't hear Jimi...

Anonymous said...

dkon:

I am terribly sorry you feel such resentment. (By the way, referred your threatened suit to my shysters who pointed out that you are likely infringing the TM of Dkon GmBH, but that's for them to chase you [unless they offer me a big enough contingent fee]). You are most certainly entitled to your opinion about Prince. Clearly he is a poet and lyricist of incredible simplicity, right up there with Tommy James and Alanis Morissette. Wait, that's not fair, sorry Alanis, I was just being ironic. You once worked with Mickey Mouse and Prince writes lyrics that are Mickey Mouse. Okay, now dkon is really po-ed at me. Well, like I said, to each his own, and with the Purple one, you can have my piece. To quote a serious lyricist (Gil Scott-Heron) "Four-letter words or four-syllable words won't make you a poet, it will only magnify how shallow you are and let ev'rybody know it." But then again, we ought to let Prince speak for himself:
"We got 2 play in the sunshine
Turn all the lights up 2 10
I want 2 meet U (meet U), kiss U (kiss U),
love U (love U), and miss U (miss U)
Do it all over again, do it all over again." I'd turn to Sinead O'Connor for an equally irritating lyric -- I've got it, "Nothing Compares 2 U" -- oh, wait, Prince wrote that 2. I'm certain he's actually a talented musician, he just didn't/couldn't show it on the Superbowl show. Face it, TV wants nothing to do with the real world or real lyrics. Just someone's greatest hits edited and rehashed.

 

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